I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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