Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
