OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
