I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
