Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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