Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
