i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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