well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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