Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
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Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
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You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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