We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
