If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize