I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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