dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
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How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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