Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
