I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
His hands were made for my vagina.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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