there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
