I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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