Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
