hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize