apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
