we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
