I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
