I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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