I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize