But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
