You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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