You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize