so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.