Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.