just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast