ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.