i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up