I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.