I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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