how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
