I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
