How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
