nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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