I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Randomize
