she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
