there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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