Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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