There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
