So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
