it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
