i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
