Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize