I looked at my own cervix.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I want her autograph on my taint
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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