I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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