I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
