dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
