I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize