Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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