:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
