wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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