i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
