you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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