i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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