she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
