I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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