You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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