I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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