i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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