he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
