just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
