I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
