every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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