Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
