youre lurking in front of me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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