So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
